We are offering only 10 tickets to the Only Cruise of its Kind.* Ten of our favorite world travelers will be offered an exclusive, intimate, action-packed and conversation-driven 92 Day cruise. If you're worried about those little logistics, don't. (We’re worrying enough for the both of us.)
Along with nine other J. Peterman enthusiasts, you will be traveling with 3 B-list celebrities, 2 philosophers, a fashion model, a republican and a democrat, one nobel prize winner and lastly, one celebrity chef. All of which will make up the crew, the captain, and deck hands. We cannot divulge the specific ship roles of each at this point but we guarantee risks and intrigue.
You'll arrive Monday morning at the friendly Barkley Regional Airport in Paducah, Kentucky via chartered plane (airfare included). Enjoy a complimentary Kentucky-style breakfast before the pre-boarding seminar.
Our epic journey begins at the nearby Port O' Call of Cairo, (pronounced "Kay-Row") Illinois near Paducah, Kentucky where we'll push off to the sounds of the Cairo High School Mighty, Mighty Pilot Marching Band. Before you know it, we'll be moseying down the winding 959 miles of the Mississippi River, filled to the banks with history and catfish, and out through the port of New Orleans to the Gulf of Mexico.
For our inaugural full-ship dive, we'll batten down the hatches for a once-in-a-lifetime aquatic adventure. We've located some underwater ruins and are quite confident that they are either the Legendary Lost City of Atlantis, or (an) Other Lost City. You be the judge! We will provide the necessary investigative gear to visually scour the sea floor. Enjoy browsing the city using coin-operated underwater binoculars that are attached to the sides of the boat. Adventure includes one 8x10 photo of the Atlantis (or the Other) seascape.
Pending success in the previous dive, we will again submerge ourselves the entire distance of the iceberg that may or may not have sunk the unsinkable RMS Titanic. Don't worry. We won't get too close. Note: We unfortunately did not obtain a diving license for swimming through the wreckage. Autographed replicas of the site will be available for purchase at the end of the dive.
After disembarking upon a rarely used beach on the eastern coast of Great Britain, we'll enjoy an invigorating hike up the ancient cliffs to the ruins of the Castle of Camelot. As noble guests of the castle, we'll feast upon an assortment of various local game and other things the Court of Camelot may have feasted upon. (Pack a sandwich, if that frightens you.) There may also be jousting and other hand-to-hand combat should time allow.
In the spirit of FDR's love of soothing waters of Hot Springs, Arkansas, join us while we suit up for the 500 degree (Celsius) waters of the Volcanic Hot Vents just below 21° North on the East Pacific Rise. Behold nature’s most extravagant and deadly environment. Tube worms, eels, and giant shrimp flock around a super-heated vent as the core of the earth comes spewing out. Truly, a beautiful sight.
You'll probably be quite ready after a long voyage to drift into a Greek inlet for a brief (or extended) excursion. You and your nine traveling companions will alone trek through the marsh on your way to cross the famous Styx River. There you'll be met by the affably cantankerous operator Bruce "Old Bones" Charon who's been manning the ferry for ages. There isn't much information as to what lies on the other side of the ferry, but it must be simply fantastic. As of yesterday, our sister ship was still waiting for passengers to reboard. (Additional fees for this trip: 1 obulus.)
Regular Fine Print:
*Pending trademark. Do not use.
**Not Peterman's boat. Our boat actually looks like this.
***Itinerary not to scale. We reserve right to change course of travel at any time.
****Artist's rendition was drawn through verbal communicative description of cabin. Actual cabin may vary.
Very Fine Print:
You, as the traveler, are fully responsible for the assumption of risk with respect to the inherent and impending dangers of this trip. The J. Peterman Company reserves the right to outsource the management and accountability of the trip to a third (or fourth) party solely to mitigate the imminent and resulting litigious activity. In addition, prior to departure we will need your original medical records as well as signed release to provide you with a full and complementary health examination. Again, you will not be charged for the health examination. It is gratis, free, and will be performed pro bono. Yep, that ought to do it. Bon Voyage!